For my great mentors and anyone who feels uncomfortable with a “mentorship”

How my relationship with "mentorship" changes as I get older

I’m at a point in my life where I can't help looking back on the journey I’ve been through, and feeling immensely grateful for the mentors and teachers who had transformed me in some ways.

This is very ironic as just a few years ago, I still didn’t believe in the concept of mentorship. I used to think that mentors are people who give you advice when you ask for it. And these interactions are usually very transactional, and I hated them.

I think this is due to the fact that my experience with the word “mentorship” was heavily influenced by the notion of very “elite” programs that you have to apply to, in order to get “access” to these high-profile mentors.

“Mentors” used to feel like a commodity.

So I used to try my best to not call my teachers, or people who helped me, “mentors”.

As I got older, I learned to use this “title” more generously. I decided that “mentor” is just a shorter way to call “people who help me”. I learned to appreciate my mentors a lot more. But most importantly, I learned how to form friendships beyond mentorships.

This last step is a crucial transformation.

When I was younger, I thought a mentorship is always one-sided because I believed I never had anything valuable to contribute to my mentors’ lives. I was not “in their leagues”.

As I got older, my confidence grew with my battle scars, my work, and my impact. I gradually learned how to ask better questions, how to identify windows of value I can add, how to take some and give some… I am now in their leagues. I can contribute something to the team. Not too much, but still something.

I got a lot more comfortable with calling someone “my mentor” now. I realized that I never hated the idea of mentorship. I just hated the idea of a 1-sided partnership.

What I hated was being a taker.

But I don't feel like I’m contributing to every mentor, every time. There are times that I feel that I have nothing meaningful to add. That I don’t belong to this social circle that my mentor has brought me into. That I’m just faking my credentials and worthiness.

And I’m sure many of us have felt this way.

Well, I learned today that regardless of how empty-handed we think we are, there’s always 1 thing we all can give: Gratitude. We can always express our gratitude to our mentors, or to anyone who does us a favor, no matter how small.

This past week, I started sending random thank-you notes to a few mentors I haven’t talked to for a while, expressing my appreciation for their existence in my life. Not to reconnect for good advice, or to ask for an introduction to someone important. Just to tell them that I’m grateful for the faith they’ve had in me.

Reading their responses, I know what I have with them are no longer mentorships, they have become life-long friendships.

I hope they feel as happy as I am whenever I receive an appreciation note from a former student or mentee. To me, there’s no better feeling in this world than the feeling of being appreciated by someone you helped.

I hope you take the time to express your gratitude to the mentors in your life more frequently this year.

Start by sending them a thank-you note :)