Don't be a jerk. Be curious.

daily blog #3

"Hey, I just learned about this Japanese concept called 'Ikigai'. Wanna hear about it?" - says mom

"I already know about it." - says me - "Tell me something I don't know."

Deeply irritated by what I said, my mom refused to tell me about what she learned. This is a real conversation between us and I just showed you a prime example of a jerk.

There are many types of jerks in many different contexts, if you do a quick Google search, you will find most of them in the office. But the one we are discussing today is so subtle, yet so popular, that we cannot ignore - the "know-it-all" jerk.

Remember the last time you learned about a cool, new concept that you really want to share. Remember how excited you were. Now, remember how shitty it makes you feel when someone interrupts you and says "Of course, I already know about it."

Many of us have been this jerk to somebody at some point. The reason most of us don't think this is a jerk move is that we usually fail to acknowledge that sharing anything with anyone requires a level of vulnerability. It can range from a deeply personal story to a fun fact you learn in class.

Whatever it is, sharing is vulnerable.

But our human society is founded on the basis that people trust each other, so we can feel safe to share insights or knowledge, anything from where the predators were to what the latest technology is doing. It is this SHARED knowledge that enables us to move so far as a species.

Being the "know-it-all" jerk, you are violating this founding principle of our society by blocking current AND dissuading future knowledge sharing. Because you make them feel "unworthy", "unsafe", no one wants to tell you anything any longer.

So, next time someone is telling you something you have probably know 97%, you have 2 choices:

One is to be the jerk and flex your knowledge. The other is to be curious about the remaining 3%, search for the tiniest difference, and say:

"Thank you for sharing. I'll look at my world from a slightly different angle now."

I know what I will choose.